2012 SWEAT YOUR THORNS OFF 5K RACE REPORT

Today I ran in the Sweat Your Thorns Off virtual race, put on by Adam at The Boring Runner. Basically it meant you just went out and ran a 5k by yourself but got to wear a bib and feel official! Plus, hundreds of others were doing it around the country (world?) so why not.

I run race now, okay?

Well, Adam just happened to pick THE HOTTEST DAY IN PORTLAND IN TWO YEARS. It was 90F when I started and it is now 94F. Supposed to hit 100 today. Anyways, I didn't leave until 11:30am for the run, so it was my fault I was running in the noon day sun. Needless the say, the streets were empty and I got some looks (and not the good kind).

I decided to run by my old apartments. I had a tried and true 5k course there that was relatively flat, unlike the 5k I ran around my new house. Basically it was going to be as hot as mother and I didn't want to make it any harder than it had to be. Originally I had planned to use this race to set my new 5k record, which currently stands at 23:39. I think I am faster than that now, but this weather wasn't going to allow me to show that. New goal - survive.

Unfortunately you cannot poop here.

Anyways, after putting off starting the run for about 15 minutes because it was so f-ing hot (taking pictures of myself "before"... I am not photogenic and the fact the best one I took looks like I am "challenged" speaks volumes) I started to run. I went out at a 7:30 clip... didn't know if that was sustainable but I gave it a try.

Immediately I knew it was not going to be sustainable. It was too f*cking hot and I am not used to this. I know Adam is probably used to it living down in the AZ with that crazy sheriff, but I am not. Anyways, the first mile or so I happened to be on the side of the road with shade so I was actually able to run a decent time. However, later on my last mile would be mostly in the sun, so I'd pay for it.

Really, there's not much more to tell you. About a mile and a half in I really started to feel the heat and just wanted it to be over. I was having visions of stopping my phone and taking a break in the shade (nobody would know!) or pretending to faint so someone would see and get me water. I guess these delusions kept my occupied as I plodded along. I was definitely going slower but it was pretty much the fastest I could go without fainting and shitting myself. I really don't think I could have gone much faster.

No caption needed.

Anyways, eventually I found my way back to the start and stopped my phone. 3.13 miles in 25:10. 8:02/mile. Would have liked to get under eight, but oh well. I immediately stripped naked my shirt off (that strikeout is for you A unit) and hunched over in a spot of shade. I probably looked pathetic there for about five minutes just trying to get my core temperature down. Eventually I felt good enough to trek back to my car a quarter mile away (up a hill and in the sun mind you - great planning).

So that was it! I blasted the A/C on the car ride home and then took a cold shower. I had fun, it was a good challenge to break up the summer running blehs, although I think I will like the Freeze Your Thorns Off 5k better. Of course, based on the day selection for this race, that will probably be on the day of the first snow in Portland in two years.

Official phone time: 3.13 miles in 25:10. 8:02/mile. 1/1 overall. 1/1 M2529. Splits: 7:31, 8:02, 8:30.